Sci-Fi RPG Stories
These are chat logs of my conversations with ferazel09 (a.k.a. habnabitmkiii) regarding the joys and tribulations of the table-top RPG my friends and I play. Name of People have been truncated to protect the parties involved, proper nouns generally have been altered, and The order is not always chronological.
If you were in this game and you're reading this, I hope you take it in the spirit in which it was written, and in any case I welcome guest contributions.
- Ewok Nazis
- The Premise of the Game Explained.
- Half the Party Dies
- or, the Best Session Ever.
- Perils of Paranoia (Guest GM)
- In which a Matter of $100 Causes a Total Party Kill.
- Hitting Rock Bottom
- Wherein it is discovered that there are problems that can't be solved with Fireball.
- Raising the Bar for Monty Haul (Guest GM)
- or, How to Become Emperor of Known Space in Two Sessions
- Space Ship go Boom Boom
- What to do when the Party has too much cool stuff.
- Josh: GM (Guest GM)
- The Horror, the Horror
- The Hummingbird of Death
- or Why Unmarked Stasis Crates Should not be Messed With.
- How 93% of Religions are Named (Guest GM)
- "Uh, it's called Zargism mostly because Entropyism sounded stupid, I guess..."
- I've Come to Avenge my Family (1)
- A PC learns that Disturbing Past is a bad disadvantage to Min-Max With.
- I've Come to Avenge my Family (2)
- Why "I poke it with a stick" is not always the right answer.
- Gnomes: The Fount of Awesome
- or The Joy of "Haste Level 21".
- Bad Dice Day (1)
- Wherein the GM gets his gnomes confused, and the party is nearly bested by a rusty conveyor belt.
- Bad Dice Day (2)
- In which the Epic Quest is completed...
- Death of Flaming Toad Spit
- "Yes, I suppose it is flammable... where is this heading?"
- Pants: Forgotten Armor, Hidden Enemy
- If there was a GM school, it wouldn't prepare you for this.
- 6 Words you don't want to hear the GM say
- "But don't bother writing that down..."
- The Origin Story
- A PC forgets that Disturbing Past is a bad disadvantage to Min-Max with.
- Planning: Not Just for Real Life
- Containing tales of not-thinking-things-through.
- Biptetk (Human Rogue)
- The party's fearless (generally) and noble (well... mostly) leader, and Captain of their spaceship. The longest-lived character, probably by virtue of having common sense.
(To the tune of "I am the captain of the Pinafore from HMS Pinafore.)
CAPTAIN BIPTETK:
I am the captain of the Aconite!
THE CREW:
And an okay captain too!
CAPTAIN BIPTETK:
No one else wants the job
of ordering this mob!
I command a motley crew.
THE CREW:
We don't want the job
of ordering this mob!
He commands a motley crew.
CAPTAIN BIPTETK:
Though I've lots of charm,
I can use a firearm
and wield my awesome sword;
I use its potent might
For the cause of good n' right!
And the treasure I never do hoard.
THE CREW:
What, never?
CAPTAIN BIPTETK:
No, never!
THE CREW:
What never?
CAPTAIN BIPTETK:
... Hardly ever!
THE CREW:
He hardly ever treasure hordes!
Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,
For the noble Captain of the Aconite!
Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,
For the captain of the Aconite!
- U Ben Had; Valhana (Space Gnome Psionist)
- Usually known as "Space Gnome". Clear-thinking and tactical, but tends to think of other beings as sources of XP and loot rather than sentient creatures. (U Ben Had retired before most of these stories.)
- Ike Einberg V (Space Gnome Preacher)
- Preaches Peace, dispenses violence (usually towards Josh) when badly needed. (Ike was killed by his comrades, and remains dead.)
- Train, Link, Edward, Sikidro, Sora, probably more (Human Rogues - Josh)
- Josh has gone though a lot of characters. To prevent confusion, and because they're mostly the same, I usually refer the the character as "Josh" as well. Josh's game improved a lot over the course of these stories.
- Fizzy, Joe, Yeter Pu
- Usually part of the party's muscle, although the character Joe has taken on another dimension by promoting a unique religious view involving the rejection of footwear.
- Triscuit (Trengar Survivalist)
- A moderately successful inventor and mechanic. Tends to be sensible, but isn't usually in the center of things.
- The Bounty Hunters (Bounty Hunters and other chaotic elements of Various species)
- Player who possesses tactical skill, but applies it mostly towards the creation of indiscriminate mayhem. Hates Vulpinians and, based on his record of destroying and plundering them, he also hates shops.
- Olivia Pelt (NPC Psionist)
- The NPC traveling companion of the party and locus of various plots. Owns the party's current spaceship. (But Biptetk is the Captain.) Recently, Josh caused a confrontation between her and the party that resulted in them parting ways.
- Rhases Fennec (NPC Anthropologist)
- NPC who got the party into this mess. He left, eventually.
- Paddur (NPC Space Gnome Psionist)
- Paddur, the Great and Terrible: Nemesis of the party for several sessions.
- The Game Master (GM - Me)
- These stories are told from my point of view as the GM. I try to ensure that the players are having a good time, as a whole, but I don't know how the characters are enjoying it...
Glossary
This shouldn't be necessary to understand the stories for the humor value, but you might be curious.- Vulpinians (Species)
- Anthropomorphic fox-people. Currently fighting a war on their home-world against the forces of the Imperium.
- Pangalactic Imperium (Organization)
- Big galactic government. Not really malevolent, but possessed of that peculiar sort evil which is intrinsic to entrenched powers.
- ASGH (Organization)
- Mysterious secret society, trying to conquer the universe.
- AOE (Organization)
- The Ancient Order of the Empress - trying to restore Miho I to her rulership, the fact that she has been dead for thousands of years is considered a serious but not insurmountable obstacle to success.
- Miho I, First Pangalactic Empress
- Galactic ruler who lived thousands of years ago. United the galaxy with the power of psitronic mind control.
- Psionics
- The mental manipulation of the universal energy field (something like "the Force") for fun and profit.
- Psitronics
- The mechanical creation of psionic effects. Highly illegal for historical reasons.
These stories have been edited from their original format and sometimes rearranged internally to more logical order. They've had various minor edits and emendations. Names have been changed to protect the innocent, the stupid, and myself...